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Anything that even hints of sexual expectation, misogyny, or pressure of any kind is a red flag.

If you’re the kind of guy who does this, stop reading this article, get off the apps, and seek help.

Notice we didn’t say, “a connection,” because these things can’t be engineered (despite the advice of an industry of dating advice and pickup artists). You can, however, give yourself the best possible chance of a genuine connection by being generous with your personality and interests (more on that below), being playful right out of the gate, and being vulnerable when it’s appropriate.

And remember: you’re not just trying to time to meet up. Are they genuinely into you, or just responding to the attention? It’s also important not to misrepresent yourself for if (and when) you meet up with someone.

Contrary to most of the advice out there, there is no set rule about when to suggest a meeting. Would you apply to a job with the exact same cover letter and resume? You develop a framework and modify to fit your particular goal. Here are some general guidelines for upping your message game.

Second, it pays to be confident and specific in setting up a meeting but you should still send signals she can have as much control over how and when as she wants.The second act is getting to the kind of fun, playful exchange that allows you to share some kind of emotional connection with the other person.It could be as simple as a shared passion, but that spark is what’s going to get you face-to-face with someone.Want to learn it, and how to have better messaging all around? You’re on the apps, you’re grinding, and every so often you get a match. This is especially true for guys who have moved beyond hookup culture and are looking for dating with some substance. This is about what happens you match, when a tiny window of possibility opens that you can either enlarge or allow to close forever. This article is about the most important skill you can master in online dating that no one’s talking about: the message.

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