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Of course the Edge Pro was pretty cool with its ability to be strung without having to snip the ends off the strings, and the Edge Zero is certainly not without its charms. Re-recording the same song from scratch every single time we get a new piece of recording equipment is perfectly natural. People will hit on them after shows and you will usually be there watching it happen. But those of us lucky enough to somehow be in a relationship know that it takes a special kind of grace for a lady (and let’s face it, that list is written by a dude dictating rules to a lady) to be in a relationship with a guitarist: one who’s willing to overlook your overactive enthusiasm for guitar, not overlook gross exaggerations in personal entitlement. So here – backed up by years of research, let me assure you – are my rules for dating a guitarist. The musician mind hears “Don’t you already have enough guitars? Please don’t be offended if we’re in the middle of a conversation about something you’re interested in but our mind wanders to guitars. For instance, the one from 1987 has the volume knob in a slightly different place. It is important that you do not act like a dick about this and that you are extra-awesome to me after shows. I'm super-loyal and eerily dependable, but if I need to rehearse or record or do a photo session in an abandoned saloon somewhere, that's going to be more important than watching and honestly I'm not sure I ever will. This way, I'll still talk to other people, but mentally I'm like, 2.

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from a loud, broken-down tour bus because that was the only time I could call. Do not get get jealous when your boyfriend/girlfriend talks to groupies. Don’t follow him/her around at the show while he/she is taking care of business/networking. (Unless invited.) Do not assume that everyone loves your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s bands. The shirt is fine, but the hat, koozie, hoodie, and stickers on your ass is a bitch much. Do not complain when your special day gets cancelled because a gig has been booked. It is hard enough to fund a tour, and you will just be another person to feed for the night. If the band has an out of town gig, do not come along to have alone time. Rules For Dating A Guitarist By Guitars all over the house = super-expensive home decor. We love you very much, it’s just that sometimes we can’t help talking about the differences between different Ibanez Edge tremolo models. We haven’t liked a new Metallica song since 1988 (okay, maybe 1991 if we’ve had a few beers) but under no circumstances shall we miss a tour. You see, the original Edge and the Lo Pro both have replaceable knife edge inserts, and while the Lo Pro is certainly more comfortable against the picking hand, the original Edge seems better balanced and more suited to pulling off super-cool tricks like flutters. We’re going to use the steering wheel as a drum kit.

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