Advice dating woman going through divorce
Honestly, and this is my opinion, he told you these things to push you away so that it will be easier for him. So he is telling you to move on..is afraid of you, women in general, right now and he is afraid of hurting you because of those issues with women. Make sure you have the respect or the distance either one. Until that divorce is FINAL, his commitment is to her...legally, financially, and sometimes emotionally.Don't see it as a cowardly act, but try and see it as something he is trying to do to protect himself. Divorces are foul and can really break a person, man or woman. I have seen him multiple times and we have tried to keep things on a friendship level. Otherwise, do not lie to yourself, it hurts to be "not his official girlie"It's hard not to see him but you really need to accept he is getting cookies and milk and you have to pay the price for that, not him. As someone who is currently involved with a man in the midst of a divorce let me give some advice to those of you who may be contemplating getting into a similar situation... No matter how perfect he is or your relationship is, it is not worth the sacrifices you will inevitably be making for him. WAY OFF..let him get through his divorce ON HIS OWN, get his life in order, and mourn the loss of his marriage and reconcile the fact that he is no longer her husband. TRUST ME, YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS PROCESS..is an ugly and emotionally draining experience that will end up ruining the relationship due to resentment, anger, and hostility towards him, his wife, and the entire situation. He's a great man who makes me very happy, but if I had it all to do over again, I would have NEVER GOTTEN INVOLVED before he was through his divorce and the aftermath that follows. We were together for 11 months when he told me he needed space. Had I known that those 11 months together would end like this, I would have never gotten involved with him.We had several great months together and he said he loved me and was making long term plans with me. And yes, this is going to be a transition time for him and that is probably a good thing for you.Only a month after all this he is backing away, acting distant and telling me we need to sit down and have a long talk. He is closing up his old life and moving to a new life with you. I think that I am suffering from a bit of depression and it has affected how I am responding to his comments.Several times we ended up in an intimate situation which was initiated by him and I did not stop it. Tis murphys law to be used by the one you love and cannot have simply because you love him. However, I don't know if that helped your heart much. Your life will be on hold, waiting and hoping for the day that he can commit to you and only you. I am currently contemplating taking a break from the relationship until he has everything cleared up. Very heartbreaking considering I don't know if "I need space" means it's over, or that he needs to deal with the upcoming divorce.I am struggling to get him out of my head and stop crying over the situation. I stayed away from any intimate contact with him for a couple of months but we have a strong mutual attraction and we ended up back in bed. I am aware that there are PLENTY of eligible SINGLE men who have so much to offer..including crazy drama. I have chosen not to ask questions and just give him the space he requested.Not just that, but you have to realize that a bond that some people hold in such a high regard was broken. His head and heart are in the middle of a knock down drag out fight and until that ends, he won't be able to move forward properly. I am divorced, 38 and this is the only man I have felt this comfortable with and loved openly. I believe I was his rebound girl after his marriage broke up. It is hard to forget all the things that were said and he clearly does not have the same emotional investment in this that I do. It seems that he is very confused about many things regarding our relationship.
Yeah, unfortunately..you let a guy be friends with you after, he will recreate the relationship and dictate new terms. Men know we want relationships and they have learned to carrot dangle and they get what they want and we get to sit there and jump hoops. It lasted about 15 month and just this passed weekend we had the "talk" initiated by me.
The last 6 months have not been good, he goes hot and cold and I asked him several times was he just interested in me for sex and he alsways said no and the fact I even asked such a question was nuts.
But actions speak louder than words and I guess I knew in my gut that I am really just a distraction for him right now and once I have served my purpose and he has got through his divorce and healed, he will move on and I will be nothing to him.
I am feeling less depressed and made it through the entire day without crying. Break-ups in general are stressful, for either party, but a divorce can impact far more than the emotions. Well I wish he would have said that 8 months ago and left out the parts where he said he loved me. We have decided that we will meet for coffee in a few weeks and see how it goes now that we are just friends. His words are shocking to say the least, I assume he has already moved on as well.
Divorces cost money, can cause stress when there are items, homes, and children involved. He is likely going through his own personal hell, right now, and he will need all the support he can get. I am really full of anxiety today and trying to hold it together. He now says he was caught up in the safety, lust and nuturing of our early relationship and that he does not love me and should not have said it. I am not interested in any other men and I really did love him, although I realize now that he could not have felt the same and changed his mind only 30 days later.